Her Name Was Laura
I never realized how closed off I can be to love and connection and yet how very starved I am for it. I haven’t felt that feeling of being wanted and desired in a long time and it being reciprocated. I think, if I absolutely had to label my sexuality it would be pansexual because I am open to receiving any and all romantic love from anyone. There’s something so amazing about human connection that I find so very intoxicating and liberating that goes beyond gender. To desire one’s very presence, their body, their heart, their soul is something I haven’t truly ever felt before. I think body positivity and liberation also was a catalyst in that—but that’s a conversation for another time.
I don’t think I noticed her at first. I hardly notice anyone, if I’m honest. She was cute though with an open and expressive face—a warm smile. Her name was Laura. We had booked a tapas and wine tour in Spain on the second night of our trip and our tour guides were two local women from Madrid. She had on a grey and maroon stripe sweater and a matching pair of maroon pants, paired with a denim jacket; and when she turned I noticed she was carrying a backpack that had a small Gryffindor emblem on the flap. Her hair was short with brown curls, her eyes were full of life and mischief, and again, a great smile.
On arrival to our meeting location, she greeted us—her and her companion, Lisa, and continued to welcome the rest of our group. As we waited for others to arrive, I noticed they were looking at me and whispering, her and Lisa. Of course I immediately got anxious and thought something must be on my face or they were talking about what I was wearing, when Lisa quickly came over to explain that they were staring at me because I was beautiful. Oh!? Lisa went on to call me a “Sephra?” Or “Sefra?” Maybe Sapphic? Still not sure, but I was flattered none the less. I just chalked it up to them being nice. I smiled and gushed out numerous “thank you’s,” while Laura just smiled back.
Our tour group was super big, so Lisa and Laura decided it would be best to split the group into two smaller groups. My friends and I were in Laura’s group of 9 which consisted of a couple from Seattle, a couple from Germany, a brother and sister visiting from London, and then me and my two friends. Laura immediately went into guide mode and started our tour; telling us the history of Madrid and the several stops we would be going to. She had a great energy and was obviously passionate about sharing her home with us.
At our first destination, due to the uneven number, Laura and I shared a plate of tortilla de patata—a traditional Spanish tapa. She held the plate for me while I shyly dug my plastic fork into the egg dish. I think I was nervous, maybe? She was flirtatious but coy and I felt a flutter in my stomach that I hadn’t in years. I also felt calm around her. Maybe it’s because she appeared unassuming to me. Or maybe because I thought I was only attracted to men and if someone had asked I would respond begrudgingly with “I’m straight.” Men also tend to make me anxious and on edge, I suppose, but I’m attracted to them too, maybe less in the last few years. Laura’s demeanor was so cavalier and relaxed and it made me feel the same.
As she guided us through the streets of Madrid, my eyes would glance up to look at hers and I would find that she was already looking at me, and something intangible would occur between us. Something I can only describe as a synergetic spark. I know she felt it too because it would happen and then she would smirk and look away continuing as if nothing had happened.
I noticed that I couldn’t help but want to be around her. If she was in the back of the group I would slowly lag behind to be near her or if she was leading in front I would pick up my pace. And this happened for the entire 3.5 hours of our guided tour. At one stop on our journey we entered a crowded bar where we ordered glasses of wine and indulged on these amazing shrimp sizzling in a pan of olive oil. The room was hot, but not uncomfortable, and for the first time that evening I found myself across the room—far away from Laura.
But every time I scanned the room our eyes would meet and we’d smile. I think I was subconsciously looking for her. At one point the room was warm enough that she took off her sweater to reveal a scattering of arm tattoos—one that confirmed she was indeed Potterhead and in Gryffindor, and I felt something stir in me. It’s like I couldn’t look away I was just so drawn to her.
As the night was ending, Laura took us to our final spot—a rooftop bar looking over the entire city. It was beautiful and the air held just the right amount of chill. We were met again with the other half of the group and Lisa. After Lisa and Laura ordered our cocktails, they went over to chat a few feet away from our group. I was chatting and drinking with my friends on a low settee, when I looked up to see Laura and Lisa speaking quietly to each other and again looking at ME?
A few minutes later their conversation had finished and Lisa said her goodbyes to the group and left. Laura then came over to sit right next to me and I was happy she did, because she could have sat anywhere. She asked me questions about the trip and where we were from but all I could focus on was her arm brushing mine, her hip next to me and her soft touches on my leg and lighthearted shoulder bumps. It felt familiar and it felt right.
By the end of the night, when it was time to say goodbye, Laura and I lingered. We waited. It was like we didn’t want to go our separate ways just yet, and in that moment I knew if she had leaned in and kissed me, I would have kissed her back. Instead we shook hands, and I said thank you and watched her walk away.
